Eagles Fire Handicapped, Retarded?

Firing people over their Facebook lifestyle is the new cool thing to do, behind lay offs.

The Philadelphia Eagles fired six-year employee Dan Leone, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported on Monday. The game-day stadium employee has a neurological disorder known as “transverse myelitis,” which causes muscle fatigue. This means that sometimes he would use a wheelchair to get around the stadium.

Therefore, the Eagles fired a handicapped employee. I can’t decide if this is progressive (nothing says “equal opportunity employee” like firing minorities and handicapped) or disgusting. Guess we have to find out if the Eagles Front Office has enough access to everyone’s Facebook pages so that they can all be treated equally. Would McNabb get in trouble if his status read, “Donovan is thrilled that T.O. is out of the NFC East! Woot woot!!!”?eagles

Dan Leone’s two sentences that put him over the edge were, “Dan is [expletive] devastated about Dawkins signing with Denver. . .Dam Eagles R Retarted!!” Please note: I don’t know if Leone spelled “retarded” wrong, or if the Philly Inquirer did. But seeing as Leone spells the very easy words “damn” and “are” incorrectly, I’m going to go ahead and assume he spelled was guilty of the ironic misspelling of the overused and under-defended word, “retarded”.

However, if Leone is guilty of the misspelling, perhaps the Eagles organization felt Leone was either retarded himself or making fun of the mentally ill. The last person you want working in Philadelphia is someone who shows dislike to the retarded. I mean, he has to deal with the Eagles fans, so he needs to be tolerant of morons.

Dan Leone was told that he was fired for making the team look bad. I believe they meant to tell him that he was fired for making the team look worse. This action, in turn, makes the team look even worse.

Leone claims to just want his job back. If he’s not mad, then there’s probably something we don’t know. I’m guessing it’s in company policy not to do what he did. Those policies, they get you every time.

The moral of the story? It is retarded to be Facebook friends with anyone you work with. It can only get you into trouble.

Article also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog

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