Hollywood is raking in the money as out-of-work citizens attempt to drown their sorrows in popcorn and cotton candy. Using, “He’s Just Not that Into You” and “Friday the 13th” to forget their woes, Americans are cutting travel, dining and theater out of their budgets, but leaving space for cinema. Movie theatre gross was up 10% last month alone. Studio executives are confident that history will repeat itself. During the Great Depression, when more than one fourth of the country was out of work, Americans still made it a priority to see the latest motion picture.
With tickets to major league baseball game tickets quickly climbing out of reach for the average Joe Six-Pack (let’s not forget about him), what Hollywood should bring to an audience is a good baseball movie.
Below are five ideas for possible future baseball movie plot lines:
Proposed title: A Race against Time
Synopsis: An ambitious baseball agent publicly promises his star client that he will land a lucrative contract before spring training begins. When scouts learn that the left-fielder failed to keep in shape during the off-season, interest in the power-hitter drops off. Meanwhile, a strange and unfortunate turn of events puts the agent in a position where he will need his commission money. With the agent’s reputation and personal financial situation at stake, he pushes to find a team willing to invest in his flaky slugger.
Proposed title: CinSity
Synopsis: A handful of Cincinnati Bengals football players are involved in a nightclub shootout and sent to jail for a variety of offenses. While behind bars, the men discover a love for baseball, mentored by a former coach who works as a guard. Upon their release, the group plays for a minor league team and impresses crowds. Major League baseball considers taking a chance on the teammates if they can stay out of trouble for the entire season. The limelight threatens the baseball dream as the players find their old habits tough to break.
Proposed title: Make a Wish
Synopsis: A little league catcher is forced to give up his dream when diagnosed with leukemia. Through the Make a Wish program, the thirteen year old is able to manage his favorite major league club for a game. The kid does so well that the team offers him an internship for the remainder of the season. The boy genius helps turn the team around. As playoffs begin, hope for the team is tied closely to the strategies of the boys. But when doctors learn that they have misdiagnosed the child and he never actually had cancer, rival teams are outraged and push for the talented team to be taken out.
Proposed title: The Pinkification of Pawtucket
Synopsis: When a minor league team’s owner dies, his daughter takes over the team. In an effort to attract more women and gay men to the sport, the heiress makes over the team. Theme days complete with specially designed uniforms, nightclub lighting for evening games, team dance warm-up, and pop music embarrass the team. Some players seek steroids to push them out of the team and into the majors, while the team captain finds himself reluctantly in love. The extreme actions compromise integrity but succeed in drawing crowds.
Proposed title: Hearing Aide
Synopsis: An underachieving deaf pitcher enjoys the advantage of a focused game. His teammates struggle to communicate with the starter who uses his disability as an excuse to ignore criticism, while opponents must learn more creative ways to taunt and outraged fans seek drastic measures to jeer the lefty as playoffs approach.
So please, studio executives, consider these proposals. The masses are flocking to the movie theater instead of using the internet, DVR, Netflix, On Demand or other more financially responsible entertainment varieties. Nothing will inspire Americans to spend money they shouldn’t be spending like a nice, heartwarming baseball flick.