Baseball’s Back, Back Again

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, direct from the-offseason itself, it’s time for baseball in New York!

The snowbirds are ready to leave Florida and return home. The Yankees will open three stadiums before their own: Camden Yards, Kaufman Stadium and Tropicana Field. Starting in Baltimore and Kansas City, against two of the weakest American League teams, should give the bombers a solid start to the season. The Mets kick off their season in Cincinnati and Florida, where they face two young teams before christening Citi field.

Thankfully, someone in scheduling actually took into consideration the fact that spring weather hits New York later than the south and setup both New York teams to open their new balls parks with a better chance of snowflake-free weather. It is never possible to guarantee that early games won’t require scarves and gloves, but with the metropolitan area revealing two new stadiums, it’s nice to think that the chances of bad weather striking upon the home openers has been lessened by schedules that delay the return north.

The steroid-enhanced Yankee Stadium replica and bank bailout ballpark will hold high expectations for two of the best teams in two of the best divisions in baseball. The Yankees will show off newly acquired C.C. Sabathia for their opener while the Mets will introduce antique Gary Sheffield to their line-up for the home crowd. Just one home run away from five hundred, the Mets will have at least one milestone with Sheffield this season before inevitably losing the forty year old mentally and/or physically.

With features like Strawberry’s Drug Buffet, Doc Gooden’s First Aid Fix-You-Up, and Funnel Cakes by Hernandez: Where the eighties Never Die, Citi Field promises to be quite the upgrade from Shea. The old rotting Home Run apple will greet those entering at right center field. A ripe new fruit sits in center field, waiting for the first Met home run to test its bobbing abilities.

With a ten thousand square foot HD television in center field, massage chairs in the Legend seats behind home plate, and other features I may never see because ticket prices have quadrupled, the New Yankee Stadium will be a virtual reality of the modern ballpark. Scalpers in the Bronx cry, as their jobs will be nearly impossible this season.

For the Queens and the Bronx, Santana and Sabathia, Wright and Wang, LIRR and Metro-North (coming in May, maybe), magic and pride… baseball returns to New York with new pitchers and stadiums, along with the same high expectations.

Originally published on April 8th in Citizen News (Sherman, New Fairfield Edition)

Article also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog


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