The Aftermath of Chamberlain’s DUI

New York Yankee pitcher Joba Chamberlain kissed New York City’s ass in an attempt to eject his foot from his mouth after a police video of his October DUI arrest surfaced. The video showed the twenty-three year old expressing anger about New York drivers and making fun of the legendary Yogi Berra.

“I get paid a lot and don’t want to piss off my teammates, the fans, the city of New York or the Steinbrenners,” Chamberlain said. “Tell me what to say so you’re not mad at me, and I’ll say it.”

Chamberlain philosophized, “everyone has driven in New York and gotten mad at one another, so that happens.” Poetic, yes. True, no. Not everyone has driven in New York. People that haven’t driven in New York include: New Yorkers that don’t believe they need a license, the city’s homeless, and most people from Chamberlain’s home state of Nebraska.

It’s difficult to imagine the differences between driving in Nebraska versus driving in New York City. There is possibly less tumbleweed and traffic in Nebraska, with slightly more cabs and traffic lights in New York. “It’s harder to drink while you’re driving in the New York cause more is going on!” Chamberlain exclaimed. “It’s frustrating and unfair.”

Chamberlain also joked about how short Yogi Berra is. “He can observe my height by watching me shrink,” Berra replied in response. “[Chamberlain] made a wrong mistake… he didn’t really say everything he said.”

Chamberlain pleaded guilty last week to drunk driving. He was caught outside of Lincoln, Nebraska on October 18<sup>th</sup>, when the Yankees were not playing in the ALCS. Authorities report that the pitcher’s blood-alcohol level was 0.134 percent. Nebraska’s legal limit for humans is 0.08 percent, and is 0.10 percent for cattle. Thus, Chamberlain was even over the cow limit. joba_mugshot

He was given nine months probation and fined  $400, which is almost the same as one month’s worth of grain processing work in the Cornhusker State. He was further punished by losing his driver’s license for 60 days and is required to complete an alcohol education class. Perhaps in that class someone can explain to him how he can afford a driver, which is less expensive than a lawyer. Proof that Chamberlain’s lawyer was useful is that the negotiated plea deal included prosecutors dropping the second charge of driving with an open alcohol container.

Chamberlain is on probation under the law and with New Yorkers who believe that he should learn to hail a cab if he doesn’t like aggressive driving.

Article also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog and on Player Press


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