Sponsors Shy Away, Jones Declares “Cowboys Stadium”

As of yesterday, the new $1.1 billion Dallas Cowboys stadium has a name, “Cowboys Stadium,” a creative reinvention of the former venue’s name, “Texas Stadium.” Opening for a George Strait concert on June 6th, the esteemed Dallas Cowboys stadium of all stadiums in the history of stadiumhood does not yet have a sponsor.

Owner, general manager and Hugh Hefner wannabe Jerry Jones acknowledges that economy may be a reason that no naming deal has been made. Shareholders get pretty pissed when their failing company signs a large naming rights deal, Jones was informed. Jones does, however, hope to have a sponsor in the future.

The name is, more or less, a placeholder waiting for an expensive corporate name to replace it. As the stadium exists, the value of naming rights diminishes, especially if the fans get used to the name “Cowboys Stadium,” and are reluctant to learn a new title.

Suggested Stadium Sponsors and Slogans:

•Wheaties Stadium: “Breakfast of Champions.”

• Playboy Stadium: “Where today’s Cheerleaders are tomorrow’s Girls Next Door.”

• Weight Watchers Stadium: “Stop Dieting Here.”

• Dunkin’ Donuts Stadium: “America’s Team Runs, Tackles and Makes Plays on Dunkin.”

• Corona Stadium: “Miles from Mexico. Literally, just miles away. Not that far.”

• Lowes Stadium: “Let’s Build a Team Around Romo.”

• Sony Bravia Stadium: “The World’s First Stadium for Men and Women.”

• Pop Secret Stadium: “Get Your Popcorn Ready.”

• Costco Stadium: “Bigger is Better: This is Texas.”

• Viagra Stadium: “Keep the Roof Up.”

Hopefully, for Jerry Jones’ personal fortune’s sake, a big business will come and attach its reputation to a polarizing brand.

Article also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog

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