Vick Moves from Jailhouse to House Arrest

If you are excited that former Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick is out of jail, you’re probably a cat person.

In case you missed it, Vick was released from federal prison on Wednesday. He was transferred straight to his home in Hampton, Virginia, where he will serve the remainder of his sentence under house arrest. He is expected to be released from Federal custody on July 20th.

Stuck in his five bedroom, 3,500 square foot home is a small upgrade from the United States Penitentiary in Leavenworth. He must have done some doggy style work to get that kind of VIP treatment. We always think of Vick as a quarterback, but maybe he’s a receiver, too.

Maintenance workers have already prepared the swimming pool at Vick’s house. Nothing says remorse like relaxing by the pool for a couple of months.

The Federal Bureau of Prisons has been vague in explaining why Vick has been assigned house arrest. They claim that there is a lack of space in a halfway house Vick, and express general security concerns. Perhaps the halfway house is pet friendly.

Security could be an issue for Vick while he is under house arrest since the home no longer has guard dogs.

Vick’s attorney stated that although the quarterback would like to return to football, his first priority is “spending time with his children and his loved ones.” Not a bad plan since those are probably the only people he can have over. His kids have been traine for fighting in an effort to launch a new ring of violence, perhaps one that can make dad some money.

In bankruptcy court last month, Vick claimed he can play another ten to twelve years of football. The judge laughed, “what a good Farve impression!” he exclaimed, making fun of the twenty-eight year old who has already completed seven years of tough physical contact, not including prison.

Vick’s future with the NFL is still uncertain. Commissioner Roger Goodell refuses to make a decision about allowing Vick to be reinstated into the league until his sentence is complete.

Many NFL players have come out to support Vick. Many NFL players are criminals themselves.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals believe that Vick doesn’t deserve any round two with the NFL unless he is able to pass psychological tests to prove he is capable of feeling genuine remorse. Ex-girlfriends everywhere are seeking more information about the availability of such tests. Meanwhile, Vick is learning about how to rig such examination in his favor. “I ain’t gettin’ no money for nothin’ with these psycho PETA people on my back,” Vick explained.

Article also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog and on Player Press

One Response to Vick Moves from Jailhouse to House Arrest

  1. selenato says:

    Interesting Read! Very detailed blog.
    Thanks for sharing

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