Shockey Asses Out in Vegas

“I’ve fallen cause I got too drunk!”

New Orleans Tight End Jeremy Shockey took a quick trip to the hospital Sunday where he was treated for dehydration after he was found unconscious. No surgery to remove his pride was necessary.

Shockey was found in a hotel room during the attempting-to-be-infamous Hard Rock Hotel “Rehab” party. No better way to try to attract a bikini-clad hottie like passing out. It’s okay, I guess, it happens to every guy… really, it does. That’s what I heard.

To add insult to injury (literally, even though it was more of a temporary glitch than an injury), this incident occurred at 2pm. Nothing says “I don’t care about my body even though it’s my job” like being so wasted in the early afternoon that you require medical attention.

Celebrity gossip site TMZ was the first to report this story, because they are attracted to famous embarrassing moments like strippers are drawn to rich guys.

Of course, Shockey will be “fine” because he was just drunk and probably needed his stomach pumped, something that can also be done by vomiting it out like the frat boy he once was.

The NFL is ashamed of such weak conduct that they have suggested that Shockey consider transferring to the CFL.

Vegas 1, Shockey 0

Article also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog and on Player Press

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One Response to Shockey Asses Out in Vegas

  1. akecke says:

    Okay Okay so… shockey is surrounded by water (the pool) and people who can give him free water and this still happens? He’s a long way from his rookie pre-season game when he ran all over those DBs.

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    theninecommandments.wordpress.com

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