The Evil Empire Strikes Back

You know when a good time to kick ’em is? When they’re down.

WARNING: This article contains graphic expressions of pride. Gloating privileges were in effect during the writing of these thoughts; expect results to reflect accordingly. 

Following a four game sweep reminiscent of the five game sweep at Fenway Park 3 years ago, by the rivaled New York Yankees, the Boston Red Sox had lost six straight games to division foes, shoving the team down to 6 1/2 games back in the AL East. BroomThat’s not even bragging, it’s just a summary of the situation.

The Bronx hosted the Red Sox graciously, with an extra-inning victory that was part of a 31 scoreless inning streak. Not being able to score in 31 innings is like failing the same community college class three times in a row. David Ortiz went 1-for14 in the series, which is like not being able to get it up at all, even though you are on Viagra.

Speaking of Big Crapi Ortiz, the former threatening beast turned candidate-for-a-commercial-weight-loss-program, it was quite fitting to include an unhappy press conference in between the constant booing during consecutive loses in New York.

There’s no better way for the Yankees to come back from an embarrassing season record than to climb up to a still unacceptable, but much more respectable, 4-8 record against a team who is now losing it literally and figuratively. Seriously, there’s no possible better result to this series. Mathematics supports such a statement.

This part of the season is like the scene in many movies where the enemy is hit by a good, clean shot, but could still possibly have that fight for his life push him to maybe make one last move. Hopefully, next weekend the Yankees can ensure death by shooting the Red Sox season down one more time.

Originally published on August 12th in Citizen News (Sherman, New Fairfield Edition)

Article also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog and on Player Press


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