The Hunt for November

Someone on the Philadelphia Phillies or the New York Yankees could be Mr. November…

Which is longer: the MLB season, the NHL season or the NBA season? They’re actually all really really really long and end in months that have no business being the climactic finale of millions of hours of play and analysis.

The baseball season is so long that this year’s world series will go into November. Happy foliage for an outdoor sport. Sure, it doesn’t much matter when warm weather teams from the more southern or California regions make it to the most important games. But sometimes, like this year, the grand finale is in the cold and moody northeast in an untrustworthy portion of a fall that is as likely to provide snow as Joe Girardi is likely to over-manage a game. That’s right, Joe Girardi is the Yankees weak link, or the [insert bankrupt U.S. car company name here] keys to the game for the Phillies.

A key to more animosity between the city of Philadelphia (liberty bell, brotherly love) and the city of New York (statue of liberty, loving brothers) is the coincidental scheduling of rival football teams playing before game 4 of the world series on Sunday. The New York football Giants play their division foes, the Philadelphia Eagles, in the early afternoon on Sunday. If you don’t know what a “shitshow” is and live in the Philadelphia area and want to learn, check out that shared parking situation between the Linc and Citizens Bank Field on Sunday. I can’t even imagine how many innocent beer bottles will be destroyed.

Turning the attention to construction instead of destruction, the World Series is a baseball bailout for the Bronx. According to the same math that brought this economy down in the first place, each world series game yields about fifteen million dollars to the NYC economy. Wall Street is working on ensuring the series goes to seven games.

But it’s not all cold air and anti-rain dances in New York. Halloween, also a revenue generator for both cities, may lose some of its costumed crowd as many will opt to watch the World Series over spending money out on the town drinking blood and eating pumpkins with fake fangs.

What money really does is create greed. The desire for revenue has pushed all logic of baseball ending in October aside because cutting games is not good for greed, neither is scheduling more double-headers or allowing NLCS games to be played the same day as an ALCS games late in those series. And this is what happens. Here we are in November pleading that Mother Nature be nice to the northeast the way she wasn’t over the summer.

Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog and on Player Press


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