Tiger Would

…because, of course he would! This is what famous, traveling, attractive athletes and/or generally rich people do. Duhhhhhhhhhh. Unless they are God-fearing Christians or something.
The same general public that accepts golf as a sport are seeming to have a hard time accepting that Tiger Woods gets laid… a lot.
The big issue with the whole Tiger Woods story is who wants the circus more: us or him? Which is worse: that society feels entitled to private information about semi-public figures, or that celebrities like Tiger Woods accept, acknowledge and address questions that should obviously be ignored?
Worse than Woods’ Women (see 2010 calendar of hostesses), is the fact that instead of letting people figure out what happened on their own, the golfer released political statements of regret. This guy didn’t even cheat at his job or commit a felony like stars of other more exciting sports like baseball and football. But Tiger’s public acknowledgment removes the whole idea of keeping a “private” life.
This whole annoying story about another dumbass who got married when he should’ve followed the Derek Jeter Standard (marriage to be considered after retirement only) wouldn’t be all over the news if Tiger didn’t respond to the media’s inquiries. Oh, and if the news was actually news… cause you know the other Tiger Woods, Barack Obama, is sending more troops to an unwinnable war.
Being chased by his angry wife until he crashed into the two things dogs prefer to pee on was very Britney Spears of him. Unfortunately, like Britney, Tiger bought into the hype and added to his own drama. I look forward to the ESPN commercial-free documentary special about it where he cries about the difficulties of being so rich, so famous and so unable to sleep with women who wants to brag to their friends about having sex with Tiger Woods.
If Tiger Woods played a real sport, he’d have more time committed to practice and less time for adultery. But instead, the golf continues to be an accepted non-sport as Tiger Woods’ marriage woes continue to be embraced, even though it’s a non-story.

Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog, Empire Sports Now , and on Player Press


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