Another Good Day for Jayson Williams’ Lawyer

You know what’s fun to do between court dates? Schedule more court dates!

Ex-NBA star Jayson Williams will likely have DUI added to the laundry list of illegal hobbies he’s accumulated over the years. At around 3am last night, Williams crashed his SUV off of the FDR drive in Manhattan, hitting a tree.

Jayson Williams was just trying to find something else to do while he is being retried for the fatal shooting of his limo driver in 2002. Williams claims he was playing with the shotgun when it went off. Experts agree that it is tough to juggle guns, especially when drunk, stupid and/or angry.

Williams has rebounded (basketball pun!) well from the manslaughter “incident”. In April, he was hospitalized when police wrongfully removed him from a Battery Park City hotel room where a suicide note and pills were found. Cops should have left him to die, but wanted to show off to their friends that they got to use a stun gun to subdue a former New Jersey Net.

A month later, Williams was arrested in North Carolina for punching a man during a bar fight. Those charges were dropped because some guy in Raleigh hates New York City trees.

Knowing that 3am is a suspicious time to be saving the world one beer at a time, Williams needed a plan. Being both drunk and a complete moron, after the crash Williams slid over to the passenger seat. He denied that he was driving, despite being alone in the car with the driver’s seat slid all the way back. That’s the thing about designated drivers, they have to be driving.

But “deny, deny, deny” was the plan and Williams stuck to it. Too bad it’s the city that never sleeps and there were plenty of witnesses who didn’t appreciate the off-hours traffic.

Witnesses told police that he was, indeed, in the car by himself and that no “driver” fled the scene.

Williams refused to take a breathalyzer test because he was drunk, which really is the only reason to ever refuse such test.

Unfortunately for the world, Williams was not critically injured. He only had minor cuts to the face. Darwin loses again.

Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog and on Player Press