Tim Tebow Sucks

In an effort to emulate, yet overdo Kurt Warner, holy water drinker Tim Tebow will present his Christian-influenced political views on the biggest stage in television advertising: a Superbowl commercial.

Former Florida quarterback and Heisman winner, Tim Tebow will star in a role in the Superbowl. Not on the field, as the football player is not yet in the NFL, but in two 30-second commercials promoting the conservative anti-choice group, Focus on Family. The commercials will show Tebow and his mother sharing a personal story considered to be a great example of the theme “Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life” (no connection to “Celebrate Good Times, Come On!”).

Timmy Boy and Mommy Tebow are likely to bless our little hearts by sharing a very personal story. You see, Mommy and Daddy Tebow were Christian missionaries in the Philippines when Mrs. Missionary (possibly the position used) got pregnant and came down with a life-threatening infection. The drugs used to save her from a coma and to treat her dysentery caused the fetus to experience a severe placental abruption, making doctors predict a stillbirth. Medical professionals recommended Mommy Tebow consider an abortion to protect her life.

Mommy Tebow CHOSE to carry Timmy Boy to term, and, as you can obviously guess, both survived.

In other words, a college football star whose potential for the NFL is questioned and is not yet signed to a pro team, but will enter the draft very soon is making the most public national statement promoting anti-choice views because his Mom CHOSE not to have an abortion that would have denied the world the joy that is himself, Tim Tebow.

Tim, as well as all of the Tebow children may be a bit distant from reality as they were homeschooled by Mommy Tebow so that she could instill the family’s Christian beliefs at all times. This may explain why, besides a little fun national exposure of her own, Mommy is joining Timmy on the commercial: the two clearly don’t spend much time apart.

The choice to be an anti-choice spokesman may work against Tebow. NFL teams and potential sponsors who do not agree or appreciate Timmy’s unsolicited opinion may take it into consideration when contemplating working with the quarterback.

Given his concussion record already, smacking sense into Tim Tebow is not likely to help the prophet meet the world outside of Florida, church and the gridiron… his own Holy Trinity.

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