Tiger Woods and Jesse James are super serious cheaters. Ignoring that fact that between technology and celebrity-banging bragging rights that hos love to show, fo sho, neither man would ever stood a chance at getting away with their stray. Instead, there’s a head-to-head battle of the bad husbands.
Let’s take a look at the battle for Champion of Cheating!
- SCORE: (ha!) Tiger Woods 15, Jesse James 4… but remember, the J-squared story is more recent. There’s still plenty of time for other chicks with porn sites they need to promote to step forward, naked.
- TYPE: Tiger likes white, Jesse James likes tattooed trash. At least Jesse James strayed to a different type than his wife.
- CAREER: Tiger’s career (and SUV) took a hit, as the super-star took a break from golf. Meanwhile, Jesse James, who barely has a career, was offered half a million to pose for PlayGirl. Of course, 100 out of 100 women agree that they’d rather see Woods naked. In related news, 100 out of 100 women didn’t know that PlayGirl was still in business.
- APOLOGY: Jesse James’ was better, but Tiger’s wife hasn’t moved on, so his may be more effective.
- ILLNESS: Tiger Woods was treated for sex addiction, an attempted justifiable excuse for being unable to take real responsibility for infidelity. Claiming to be addicted to sex is like saying you’re hooked on joy and happiness. It makes no sense. Meanwhile, Jesse James already has one of his four women claiming they had unprotected sex, meaning James and possibly Bullock could have an STD, you know, a real disease.
- ANGRY WIVES: Elin went after the golfer with his own weapon, which was pretty great. But Sandra Bullock actually moved out.
If you’re thinking that this is not a sports article, you’re right. But golf’s not a real sport, so somehow that makes this okay.
Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog