One Hitter Wonder: Maine Out as Early as Humanly Possible

New York Mets pitcher John Maine was pulled from yesterday’s game after just one batter that he didn’t even hit. Massive amounts of disagreement followed.

Los Mets Pitcher John Maine

After only five pitches that resulted in a lead-off walk with a 3-0 lead against the Washington Nationals, Jerry Manuel made the executive decision to pull starting pitcher John Maine. Maine has had as many issues with his right shoulder as the Mets have had with, well, their whole season. He was taken out of the game “for precautionary reasons,” the Mets said. Citing diminished velocity and poor mechanics as their reasoning for the early departure of their starting pitcher, many wonder where these observations were during warm-ups.

Maine was not thrilled with the decision. In fact, he was pretty pissed off. “I didn’t get asked,” Maine said. “They said they saw something, and they were taking me out. I’m a little hurt by that.” Unfortunately, by saying that, he has proved that he’s at least a little hurt, thus, justifying the decision in some way.

“There’s no reason I should be seeing a (expletive, likely #$%^&*) doctor tomorrow,” said Maine. “I feel something all the time. We’re pitchers. Every pitcher does.” Maine claims that he felt no pain on the mound.

The Mets at the top of the Empire State Building, but not the standings

But to stir up the controversy in daytime soap opera dramatic fashion, Mets pitching coach Dan Warthen called Maine “a habitual liar in a lot of ways as far as his own health.” It would be helpful for the team to have Dan Warthen learn a way to feel pain for Maine, so that his relationship with Maine will be less awkward and more about sharing, since sharing is caring.

The Mets, who have disappointed fans for years, have continued to frustrate fans this season. Manager Jerry Manuel is now even more in the spotlight for questionable management. He’ll have a lot of questions to answer if the doctors who see Maine today say he’s just like every other Met this season… healthy, but under-performing.

Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog, and on Player Press

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