Albert Haynesworth: Bigger Baby

Albert Haynesworth refuses to go to his Washington Redskins minicamp. The highest played defensive player in the NFL is holding out for something better, even though no such thing exists.

When the biggest of big babies, Albert Haynesworth, isn’t happy, neither is anyone else. As it turns out, $100 million + isn’t enough to motivate this guy to get on the field, the required mini-field. He wants the game to be revolved around him.

February 27, 2009 -- Washington Redskins Head Coach Jim Zorn, left, holds the jersey of his newest player, Albert Haynesworth - Those were the good days

Haynesworth won’t be used in the same strategic plan as originally promised by the Redskins when they were signed him. The honeymoon is over. Time to stop basking in self-love and start working.

New head coach Mike Shanahan said the Washington Redskins would have released Haynesworth by April 1st if he were willing to forgo the $21 million bonus he was due. Obviously, no one is going to forfeit such a sum. Instead, Haynesworth’s agent has publicly urged the Redskins to trade his client.

But, proving he’s more trouble than he’s worth, no teams seem to be interested in the 350-lb drama king.

Redskins owner and chronic mistake-maker Dan Snyder was so into Haynesworth last offseason that he paid out an incomprehensible free-agent contract for a defensive lineman of 7 years at $100 million with a $32 million payoff in the first 13 months. Haynesworth was coming off his best NFL season in Tennessee, no head stomping or anything!

Haynesworth was supposed to lead Washington’s defense with his combination of size, strength and speed. Instead, the ‘Skins sucked. For such an obscene amount of money, Haynesworth finished the season with four sacks & 37 tackles. He missed four games because of injuries.

The trade market for Haynesworth is limited. The contract value isn’t as much of an issue as you’ think, since a somewhat modest $16 million over the next three seasons is on the table. However, Diva McHaynesworthless may not be willing to join just any team since, as it turns out, the defensive scheme must match his self-centeredness. But if a team wants to let Alby be the center of the defense and team poster child, he’s ready to give it his all!

The Redskins seem unlikely to try to get Haynesworth out of there until their effort to recoup money is processed. Likely one of two things will happen: Haynesworth returns the $21 million April bonus (that he has probably already spent on fried chicken & chocolate bars… what? Those are his favorite foods!) in exchange for his immediate release because, apparently, he’s a man of principle… OR he stops crying, bitching and moaning and comes in for training camp with a refreshed attitude that makes him agreeable to do whatever the organization, his boss, requests him to do.  You know, earn his money.

Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog, and on Player Press

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