Addressing Sports Rumors

It’s time to address some of the gossip topics floating around the sports world.

  1. Rumor: Delonte West Had Intimate Relations with Lebron’s Mom

According to sources like NBA Hall-of-Famer Calvin Murphy, as well as the internet, shooting guard Delonte West, who played with Lebron in Cleveland from 2008 til last season, was shooting his stuff into Lebron’s Mom. I guess if you can’t stick it Lebron directly, you can stick it to his Mom.

2. Rumor: Rex Ryan and His Wife Have a Foot Fetish Video

Rex Ryan is a Footballer in More Ways Than One

Reporters have been hounding Jets’ head coach Rex Ryan to respond to a video on the internet which very obviously shows his wife, and his voice, connected in foot love.

Rex Ryan has said, “This is a personal issue and I’m not going to discuss it.” Yeah, I’d say a foot fetish video is pretty personal, but it happens to be on the internet, the most public forum out there.

By the way, does foot fetish happen when you sit on the couch for so long that the most intimate your fat ass can get with your wife is playing with her toesies? Don’t answer that.

3. Rumor: Tampa Bay Closer Soriano is Willing to Set Up for Mariano Rivera, Yankees

Rafel Soriano: Set-Up Man of the Bronx Future?

Rafeal Soriano who had 45 saves for the Tampa Bay Rays this past season is willing to take a set-up role for the New York Yankees, being a lead in to the great Mariano Rivera. So he’d actually get to play in front of a crowd and he’d be in a terrific position to become the Yankee closer when Mariano eventually goes completely bald and retires. This plan sounds pretty good, unless Soriano gets a bad case of Burnettitis.

4. Rumor: Roger Goodell is Optimistic About NFL in 2011

Although NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says the union has no sense of urgency and he’d like a new deal to be done by March to ensure there will be a next season, Goodell has also said that talks with the players union are going well. Players say not-so-much. Fans say, “wait… the Seahawks made the playoffs?”

5. Rumor: A.J. Burnett Will Spend Time in Philadelphia

New York Yankee starting pitcher and 2010 bust A.J. Burnett will spend time this offseason in Philadelphia with Phillies pitchers Cliff Lee, Roy Oswalt, Roy Halladay and Cole Hamels to show them how to pull a kamikaze on themselves and their team.

In addition to his efforts to dismantle the best rotation in baseball, A.J. Burnett will be issuing the New York Yankees a partial contract refund for being the major contributing factor in a disappointing 2010 season. In order to reward the fans for tolerating the stress Burnett caused, the Yankees organization will be allowing fans in free of charge to Andy’s first three starts of the 2011 season.

This is not an accredited rumor, more of a dream of mine.

Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog, and PlayerPress

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