NFL Changes Rules for Non-Games in Upcoming Non-Season

NFL owners change the rules for kickoffs and instant replay next season… whenever that may be.

The Goal has Been Changed

Like a crazy housewife redecorating a home that she has yet to purchase, NFL owners made rule changes for their playerless game. One rule passed moves kickoffs from the 30 to the 35-yard line, undermining the abilities of kickers across the league. Another rule passed by unanimous vote, to have the booth replay official review all scoring plays, since the cameras on the field are antiques.

This shows that NFL owners are spending time and effort playing with the game, instead of securing that the games will be played. Owners have been confident that football will go on as usual, a confidence that has existed consistently since before the failure to agree to a new CBA through now, a time that still shows no new CBA.

The baseball strike of 1994-1995 became the first professional sport to lose its entire postseason due to a labor dispute. The strike was not well-received to fans as attendance at the games plummeted, as did television ratings. In 2004, an NHL  lockout resulted in the cancellation of what would have been the 88th season of a league that seemed set on alienating their few remaining fans.

So is a canceled season likely? Damn right it is! One group of white-collar criminals negotiating with a group of drunk driving assaulting criminals who sometimes shoot themselves is not a combination for logic or reason.

The State of Football is Similar to a Glass Window at Good Morning America After a Chris Brown Visit

But the owners are going to keep on keepin’ on like it’s all lollipops and unicorns (instead of the suck and unrealistic reality). They made two other minor changes to the playerless game.

One change is that teams who wish to change the color of their field now require league approval. Though no team has suggested making a change to a non-green field, the league wanted to be proactive and prevent that from happening without approval, a concern spawned from Boise State’s electric blue smurf turf and from the idea that sponsors could approach teams and suggest a deal that involved altering a field’s color.

Possible field sponsorship ideas:

  • UPS creating a What Can Brown Do For You? field, likely in Cleveland.
  • The Hurtz: We’ll Pick You Up & Tackle You turf to be the mustard compliment of the Heinz-57-Ways-to-Make-You-Bleed field in Pittsburgh.
  • Gang Green Giant field for the Jets because the Jets should always play somewhere that has the name “Giant” in there.

The other proposal that passed is intended to clears up the confusion on penalties for dead ball fouls. To make all dead ball fouls consistent, on penalties in that situation at the end of the half, the half will not be extended to further football. Before there was confusion based on which unit committed the dead ball foul. Dead ball being an appropriate topic for the NFL to discuss as they amend a game instead of trying to revive a dead deal.

Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog, and PlayerPress

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