Nuggets Avoid Sweep, Force People to Look at Birdman For At Least One More Game

The Denver Nuggets defeated the Oklahoma City Thunder to avoid a first round sweep and force basketball fans all over the country to have to look at Chris “Birdman” Andersen for at least one more game.

Like an Even Worse Version of Biff from "Back to the Future"

Playing 18 minutes off the bench, Andersen had six rebounds, two blocks and one point in Denver’s victory.

His substantial contribution was that his opponents suffered eye sores for approximately 18 minutes.

“Looking at him is like looking at my son’s coloring book,” Kendrick Perkins stated. “If my kid was tryin’ to be punk rock to express his angst.”

“They call him Birdman cause looking at him makes you wanna fly away,” Kenyon Martin explained. “It’s not a good nickname for corporate sponsorship opportunities,” K-mart continued, looking for the retail giant to get on board with him.

Rumored to be a former drug addict, Andersen switched from one addictive use of needles that’s bad for the body to another.

“He’s just trying to cover up that he’s white so he fits in better in this league,” Russell Westbrook said, “but more likely he’s got all those tattoos to distract people from concentrating on the fact that he sucks… at basketball. And maybe at life, too, I dunno, I haven’t hung out with the mural.”

Chris Andersen is, indeed, a mediocre player. His “trademark” attention-seeking action (beyond the tattoos) has been his “Birdman” celebration, where he crosses his arms and flaps his hands like the wings of a bird after dunking or blocking a shot. It’s pretty lame, but it doesn’t happen too often.

“Hey, I played well, let’s talk about me,” Ty Lawson suggested, but a solid 27-point performance is more common and respectable than mocking a wannabe Dennis Rodman.

Also posted on National Lampoon’s Splog, and PlayerPress


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