In an Attempt to Make Boston Fans Look Civilized, Vancouver Sets Itself on Fire

The "F!#K BOSTON" Sentiment is Shared By Many, But Usually With Less Fire

See title to be lured into reading this piece.

After the Vancouver Canucks lost Game 7 of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals and, thus, the championship to the Boston Bruins, crazed Canadians went rioting.

It was oot of control. Cars were set on fire, businesses were vandalized and people and police were hospitalized with various injuries. This level of sore losing hadn’t been reached in Vancouver since their Canucks lost to the New York Rangers in 1994. Oh, history… always repeating itself.

Not Your Typical Carefree Canadian

On the plus side, hockey’s final Stanley Cup-clinching ice war matched the highest preliminary television rating for a hockey Game 7 on record. This fact, combined with the emotional charge of the riots, shows that yes, there are still people out there who care aboot hockey.

And there was no police brutality, according to the City councilor Suzanne Anton. Perhaps this is because it was not the LAPD and black people, but Canadian cops and hockey fans.

ESPN, the worldwide leader in attempted sports news, reported the riot story in the same amount of time they spent reporting on Steve Nash’s tweet about it. Sportscenter is all about using tweets from various professional athletes. While it makes sense to limit sports stars’ commentary to 140 characters, it’s still not news. Not even fake news. Twitter knows that. That’s why they don’t even call it a “News Feed.”

When asked how it feels to see Vancouver embarrass themselves after the finals the way he embarrassed himself during the finals, Lebron James said this:

“All the people that root for failure and destruction… at the end of the day, tomorrow they have to wake up and have the same life that (they had) before they woke up today… They got the same personal problems they had today. And I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do, except win. Like Vancouver. Except that they got enough passion to light shit on fire.”

Also posted on National Lampoon and PlayerPress

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