Lorenzen Wronged

Tennessee police are either horrible at their jobs, have been paid off or hate basketball players and/or black people in general. Likely, they are all of the aforementioned offenses.

Lorezen Wright's Family Looks Kinda Like This, But Even More Pissed Off

Lorenzen Wright, the NBA player who was murdered outside of Memphis a year ago, was left out to rot… prompting his family to file a civil lawsuit against the useless public not-serving servants of Germantown, Tennessee.

The family claims that a 911 operator screwed up royally. Lorenzen Wright called emergency services right before he was shot and killed. The dispatcher heard a voice, cursing and then the sound of at least ten gunshots before the line (and the caller) went dead.

The dispatcher attempted to recall the number, but got no answer and after a trace discovered that the call was routed through a tower outside of the city’s jurisdiction, she seemingly shrugged her shoulders and returned to playing Farmville because no one in whatever jurisdiction he called from was notified and no police cars were sent to the location of the call.

I mean, who is even interested in following up on a murder you just heard go down over the phone. That’s boring stuff! There are kids smoking pot and/or engaging in premarital sex in their cars out there!

“I figured, he was already dead and solving murders is so Law & Order! I mean, like, who does it real life?” the 911 dispatcher told reporters, while chewing gum and playing on her cell phone. “I don’t get this Google plus, thing,” she continued.

Additionally, the City of Germantown turned off cops’ access to an Internet program that could have pinpointed the origin of Wright’s call, because cops had been abusing their Internet access.

“So instead of firing the cops who were bullshitting around on the internet all day, the people of the city they served were punished with the bullshit of a lack of intelligence in force that clearly lacks intelligence already?” a confused Chicago man asked in response to the story. “Thankfully I live in the civilized part of the country, where the politicians, not the cops, are the criminals.”

With no one sent to the scene of a shooting, Lorenzen Wright’s body decomposed in the woods for ten days before he was found.

The murder is still an unsolved case, perhaps because the lack of reward money, currently a pitiful $6,000… which is about as much money as Pacman Jones spends at a strip club in one evening.

The victim’s mom thinks that money talks, but apparently doesn’t have any she can offer up to the cause since her son seemingly blew all his NBA earnings, a popular thing for basketball players to do.

A spokesman for the city said that Germantown deputy chief of police, Rodney Bright, would not comment on the case because why would he do anything now after a year of doing nothing? Seriously, who breaks a streak like that?

Also posted onĀ National Lampoon

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