Billy Crystal to Pitch Final Game of Season for Yankees

Crystal at Practice Tuesday

Looking to literally “play” the last series of the season, the Yankees have named the longtime fan and lovable comedian Billy Crystal the starting pitcher for Wednesday’s final game of the regular season.

The New York Yankees have clinched all that they can clinch for the time being, but still have two more games in Tampa Bay that will affect the wildcard playoff spot.

The Boston Red Sox are outraged at the decision to play 63-year-old Crystal, claiming that the Yankees are blatantly and literally “throwing” their final series against the Rays, to improve the chances that the rival Red Sox will miss the playoffs.

“Second only to their Bombers win, Yankee fans love to see Boston lose,” logic said. Unfortunately for crying New Englanders, the Yankees can get away with it, “Nanny nanny foo foo,” a team representative told the Boston Globe before laughing hysterically.

Choosing the starting pitcher for the regular season finale was tough. There were several names being tossed around like the balls that will be thrown.

Radio commentator Suzyn Waldman was considered for the spot. “Anything to get her to shut up,” fans everywhere say all the time.

Reliever Scott Proctor was an option for the Yankees, but they ultimately decided to keep him in the bullpen in case they need to lose later in the game.

Also in consideration was former Yankee Hall of Famer Yogi Berra, who told the press that if the game was at a more convenient location for him he would have done it, but “no one lives in Florida.”

Also posted on National Lampoon and PlayerPress

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