Tim Tebow Turns Gatorade Into Wine

The End of Days

Tim Tebow: “Flood in visitors’ locker room just one of many plagues to come!”

And You Thought GB was Green Bay!

Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow is a polarizing figure in sports.

Many love that a good ‘ol American white boy can show that home schooling kids can lead to a good job in a talent, not education based, field.

Others like that there’s a positive role model in the NFL. “It’s nice to see a player who can recite biblical verses with the same ease Braylon Edwards can recite Miranda rights,” someone’s mother said.

“He sucks a lot of figurative dick,” one report reports. “Perhaps because the media treats him like the Messiah he thinks he is,” the study goes on to say.

Back at the Fox Command Center (which is just another TV studio), sportscasters give a lot of credit to Tebow for knowing the rules of the game he plays. “He’s true to his starts,” John Huck praises, “and he makes sure his formations are always legal.”

"Choice means some may abort, and if someone like me, Tim Tebow, was aborted... well, the world wouldn't be blessed with me, Tim Tebow."

For some people, Tebow hatred started almost two years ago, when him and his mother were featured in an anti-choice ad that aired during the Superbowl.

“What is this crap?” Fans everywhere asked at a time when no one wants to think about politics or babies. Except maybe that funny talking E-Trade baby.

(Meanwhile, two guys who like getting laid teamed up with Planned Parenthood to make this response video that probably no one saw because they were drunk at the time they saw the Tebow one.)

Religion gets mixed up in sports all the time. Very often fans, players, and coaches alike mention God or a lack of God during games. For most, it’s only a matter of speaking. But the media is pushing the idea that it’s a matter of believing and fans should decide if they believe in Tebow.

“How?” LaRonda Sherannda asked. “Like, do I believe he’s a person? Do I believe he’s winning? His team seems to be winning, but that don’t mean it’s all cuza him, do it?”

Speaking of the team, when asked for comment on their leader’s ability to succeed, the rest of the Broncos said, “why is it only about him? It’s a team sport, goddamnit!”

Also posted on National Lampoon and PlayerPress

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One Response to Tim Tebow Turns Gatorade Into Wine

  1. Kaz says:

    As long as he isn’t hurting me in fantasy football, I’m not going to complain.

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