With No 17-Year Olds Around, Mark Sanchez Asks Santonio Holmes to Be His Valentine

Despite the fact that Santonio Holmes is a decade older than Mark Sanchez’s usual dates, the Jets QB asked his WR over Twitter to be his Valentine.

Sanchez Wants Holmes to Fly Into His Arms

After having the statistically lowest success rate among any quarterback-receiver tandem in the NFL last season, Mark Sanchez tried to play peacemaker/lover over the most intimate medium of all: Twitter.

New York Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan hopes a love connection occurs, saying, “I suggest a nice quiet dinner, a walk along on the beach and then a good long foot bang rub.”

“I hope [Sanchez] goes and does a dirty himself, ya know what I mean?” Fellow Jets teammate Plaxico Burress said before cracking up, then denying that receivers always receive… in that way.

Because the NFL is not quite the place for open homosexual feelings and relationships, a coincidentally timed rumor has started that Sanchez has been dating Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Kate Upton.

When asked about the rumors of her dating Sanchez, Upton said, “I don’t know [who that is]!”

Also posted on National Lampoon, Funny Or Die and PlayerPress

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