Erik Spoelstra Spanks Entire Miami Heat Team After No Good, Very Bad Game

Miami Heat Coach Erik Spoelstra was very upset after both stars Dwayne Wade and LeBron James forgot how to play basketball last night.

What they don’t want (ooh!), baby they got it!

The Miami Heat lost a second game out of three to the Indiana Pacers, a team many forgot is still in the league.

“How could they!?” Spoelstra told reporters at the post-game press conference last night, “and during the playoffs. I told them this was important to me!” He took a deep breath, tried to shake off the bad feelings and continued by saying: “We talked about this all season long. And then we had that fight, too. Who wants to fight at a time like this? I know he’s frustrated because… of course he’s frustrated! He couldn’t make a damn shot the entire first half! But to be actually mad at me? It’s not fair. I never told him to just fling it up there and assume it’ll go in! He started doing that himself.”

Completely unsure of how to handle this situation, because maybe he forgot to remind his players that this is a best of 7 series, Spoelstra  yelled at his players and begged them not make him look bad.

The poster for a movie about the Miami Heat dynasty is ready, the story, though…

Meanwhile, NBA fans all over the country rejoiced about Miami’s loss in what could certainly be a tease to a series the Heat still end up winning anyway, because they have a stacked team.

However, that team may not be healthy. Former Toronto Raptor mascot Chris Bosh has a belly ache, and former Miami Heat team leader Dwayne Wade may have some sort of serious version of Restless Leg Syndrome. Spoelstra would not answer questions about Wade’s possibly injury, but yelled at the reporter who asked about it. “You think his leg is messed up? Great! He might be hurt now? How does he think he’s going to play hurt? What’s wrong with these guys? Why can’t they take better care of themselves? This is ridiculous!” The coach crossed his arms and groaned. “I might get fired. After all this time, they don’t even care if I get fired.”

An anonymous source, that may or may not be Mario Chalmers, said that Spoelstra lined them up and spanked each of them, repeating, “bad game” to each player.

Lebron James tweeted, “@CoachSpo, WTF? That was really mean! We’re sorry. #cantbelievewerenotbutter”

Rumor has it Spoelstra fell to the floor after the spanking and sobbed. “Friday’s practice is cancelled. I can’t even look at you guys right now!”

The saga continues live on TV Sunday at 3.30pm on ABC, the network that hoped GCB would be a quarter as dramatic as professional basketball.

Also posted on National Lampoon, Funny Or Die and PlayerPress

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