You Can’t Always Run From the Truth, Even If You’re a Roided-Up Sprinter: The Oscar Pistorius Story

Dubbed “Blade Runner” because of the carbon fiber racing blades he uses in place of the legs he doesn’t have, Oscar Pistorius was as successful as a sprinter as he is unsuccessful as a liar. Oscar-Pistorius

Oscar Pistorius is physically handicapped, but also, as it turns out, mentally handicapped. His defense for murdering his model girlfriend on Valentine’s Day is that he didn’t think he was killing her, he merely thought he was defending himself against a burglar that broke into his bathroom, locked himself in there and didn’t threaten him at all.

It’s pretty clear that the defense has no legs to stand on.

His sworn affidavit tells an amusing story that has more holes in it than the mesh shirts Pistorius trained in… assuming he trained in mesh.

He says he and his girlfriend Reeva went to bed together. Then later, he woke up, went onto the balcony to bring the fan in and closed the sliding doors, the blinds and the curtains. Then he heard a noise in the bathroom and realized that someone was in the bathroom.

Probably Reeva, right? Ya know, the person in his house with him. But no, he assumes she’s still in the bed he got out of and walked around, so he figures it’s a burglar (coming to steal steroids from the bathroom?), grabs his gun, shouts, hears no reply and shoots several times.

He says that after firing shots into his bathroom where his girlfriend obviously was, he “walked back to the bed and realised Reeva was not in bed. Its then it dawned on me it could be her in there [the bathroom].” That’s a Manti Te’o-esque statement right there.

And it was her in there!

“Why didn’t she yell back?” is a question Pistorius is going to have to come up with a fun answer for. I’m thinking maybe she was suffering from a vocal cord injury, or she was asleep on the toilet. Perhaps Pistorius will go on to say that the witness who said they’d been shouting at each other before shots were fired was on LSD. This whole thing is like a game of Choose Your Own Path to Jail.

On the one hand, I don’t want to follow this idiot’s trial. On the other hand, he could be crazy/stupid enough to breakdown and say he had to kill her, since he couldn’t kick her ass. Sympathy for the legless devil, please!

Whether the trial is worth paying attention to or not, there are a couple statements in the affidavit that make me wanna go a little Bill Maher New Rules on gun control…

He was, “scared & didn’t switch on the light.”

NEW RULE: If you’re too scared to turn on the light, you shouldn’t have a gun!

He screamed “at the intruder because I did not have my legs on I felt vulnerable.”

NEW RULE: If you feel vulnerable even while holding a gun, you shouldn’t have a gun!

Also posted on PlayerPress

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