Roethlisgimper Plays With Less Power Than Candlestick Park

December 20, 2011

Big Ben Roethishamburglar gets a lot of respect and credit from sportscasters and analysts for being a tough, strong leader… the kind that would rape your sister in a bathroom. Unfortunately, while a bum left ankle may not slow one’s rape-roll, it drastically affects the ability to quarterback.

Candlelit Game

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Nuggets Avoid Sweep, Force People to Look at Birdman For At Least One More Game

April 26, 2011

The Denver Nuggets defeated the Oklahoma City Thunder to avoid a first round sweep and force basketball fans all over the country to have to look at Chris “Birdman” Andersen for at least one more game.

Like an Even Worse Version of Biff from "Back to the Future"

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Jets Get Mad, Even

January 17, 2011

The angry, loud mouth New York Jets went into Foxboro and beat their rival New England Patriots to earn a trip to the AFC Championship game. That’s what you get for taking better care of your hair than the ball, Tom.

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Sunday, New York, Sunday

September 29, 2009

On Sunday, the Giants embarrassed the Bucs. The Yankees get their 100th win of the season by completing a sweep of the rivaled Red Sox and clinched the best record in baseball as well as home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.  And, for good measure, both the Mets wand the Jets won. All of his occurred before the sunset brought atonement. New York sports teams took care of their Jews.

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